Sometimes you feel happy...sometimes the butterflies in your stomach killing you...making you wonder where you have gone wrong. I dont know where I have gone wrong. I loved like never before and always forgive people. Made people feel special and all you got back was soo disheartening. It has made me wonder where I have gone wrong, did I forget something down the road?.....
I will never change for anyone, and will be stick behind what I say. But people should never convey as this negative, not for a moment will I give up a good life or the likes....
neway..I need to be strong..it is difficult..but I must...for a better future..hopefully with her..if not..without her!!

*Jumping into Darkness*

"May God Bless his Soul!'

Me : Jhanu Da, here take 130 rupees. Please give me an account of it when you come to office. Oh and let me know once you reach howrah.Bye!

.....and I motored off to tution only to here my phone ringing after a while....

Jhanu Da : Debu, I have reached and now I am on my way home. I will go to Central Avenue and leave the car from there.

Me : Perfect!!I'll see you tomorrow at office then.Bhalo Theko(Keep well)!!Tata!!!

Jhanu Da : Bhalo thakish baba(Keep well my son. Bye!

.....how would I know that would be the last time I bid adieu to him....

Next day....

Bradley : Oiy Debu, when was the last time you spoke to Jhanu!?

Me : Why, what happened? I spoke to him last at 4.30 p.m.!

Bradley : He passed away last night!!!

.....I didn't know what to say then. I was at a complete loss and nothing came out of my mouth. Just a reality shock and a very unexpected death!Only yesterday was he his jovial self, laughing and joking with us and having his usual smoke. Next day, he is no more! I knew him for a very small time but for the little time I knew him, I had really grown very fond of him! Moreover, my respect for him grew with every passing day. The effort he put into the little work he was given, the love with which he still refereed hockey games at the age of 70+, the smile he always had on his face and more importantly how he saw everybody with an equal eye. Alas he is no more! I guess every body has to be called up by God and his time came very 'untimely'.

The memories( which are very little but will remain with me forever) of him in our High Life team keep flooding back!I just cant stop thinking about it.But I guess life carries on.......

Trust no future however pleasant,
Let the past bury its dead,
Act! in the living present,
With heart within and God overhead

Fear

Well at the penultimate phase of the mumbai attacks I must say that this is just the beginning of the huge era of terrorism that has just began not only in my country, India but also in the entire world.
Would any one believe if I actually stated that the United States of America actually created the demonic face of Osama Bin Laden!Quite unbelievable, aint it!!But yes,that is very true!That super force created him to neutralize the power of the then U.S.S.R.

But what happened in Mumbai is very tragic.The death toll has reached close to 200 and the injured list keeps ticking my heartfelt salute goes out to those brave and sacrificing N.S.G. Commandos and the army who did every bit to get the matter under control as soon as possible without suffering the heavy casualties.But where were the politicians.Where was Raj Thackeray, the so called protector of the Marathis.What were the politicians doing.Did any strong comment come from them.A true word of promise.The answer is flatly NO!
It could be actually said that the underworld and the politicians are inter connected.Has a politician ever been targeted in the recent past??Nope.If that was the case how would the terrorist be funded?Anyway, these so called terrorists are used inter-changebly until they cant follow the command of the leaders.When they reach boiling points or there matters are not served they are upto doing such dasterdly deeds such as blowing up hotels!
Oh another keen observation.Any one ever wondered why Calcutta is never targeted!Its the god damn go-down, the storehouse of the terrorists.One would be very surprised as to how easy it is cross the borders.It is really fearful.The best part is no one can do a thing even though every one is definitely aware of everything.The police fear cleaning out the terrorists because their are so many of them that if one group is neutralized, the other might launch an unscathing attack that could completely blow up the whole city!IT IS A REALLY SCARY PROPOSITION.Sitting here and writing about such blatant truths is really fearful.Imaging the worst is having nightmares with your eyes open.All we can do is just hope....because that is all we can do!!

"Bhak sala, nothing's wrong with me. I am allright"....and I have a swig of beer and carry on.
But what the fuck, everything is wrong with me. Probably not everything. I am missing her a lot and there are soo many things that remind me of her.Its so hard to be away from her.But I should not be complaining because I finally got her back!YAY!i am so glad this happened, its like a new beginning for me!I love my friends and HER!But,But,But....there are quite a few things that spoil all this.My brother and his annoying mood swings at times.But he is a sweet kid and needs to mature a lot!
Oh shit, I have so much of studies to do and here I am feeling around.Somehow I try to convince that I am studying way too much than i should be but this world is ugly and mean!Nothing is ever enough.That just sucks bad.Then i have the added pressure of sitting for competitive exams.Oh god lord!How much will I have to study.Studies, the bane of our existence!I cant crib.I just have to find out ways to manage everything.Adding to all the trouble i should be started a job.Waah debu,Wah...Lagey raho!
I guess i shall manage...even though I have no clue how!!
But I miss her!!!....:(...........
Ahh...i have too many thoughts to pen down...some time later!!

*Love*

This is not the everyday love for things I feel!It is quite inexplicable.Its wonderful and really wholesome!It stands for faith and trust and it means the world to me!

*Growing Up*

Crawling around my flat trying to adjust my eyes with the new world I have been thrown into.Learning the wonderful feeling of walking around.Playing with my dadu's walking support.Driving my toy car like michael schumacher would manoeuvre his ferrari.Listening to bed time stories read by my ammu.Playing with g.i.joes and he-man.Wearing a red bandana and dancing to 'cheez bari hain mast, mast'.Playing with cap guns during diwali.Pandal hopping during durga pujo!Going out for tea with 'bisha-da'.My frequent visits to his freinds which i really looked forward to, because i got freebies.Playing with tatum,buiya di and gogol.Going to dadubhaiya's house at khidderpor to hav chicken curry and rumali roti.Having small birthday parties with khoi bag and typical bengali food.Goin for my mum's holiday work shop camps.Playing cricket on the terrace with baba,chiku,bhai and bisha da!Bhais random tantrums whenever he was losing a game and throwing the ball out of the terrace.Bandhs and floods.Playing on the streets and making paper boats....going to model kg and having a blast there...getting into La Martiniere...finding my first true friend in school, which I never knew would last soo long(his name is ishan chatterjee)...going to school in bus no. 206 everyday!..collecting bus tickets and playing conductor counductor...i rem ma'am basania,ma'am alhuwalia,ma'am dutta,ma'aam and roy and each one of dem...they really changed me in some way or the other and i will be indebted to them forever....playing hand cricket under the coconut trees with rushil,siddhant,manna,deepro and arav....changing friend circles quite often!.....running to the canteen early to get food...playing cricket and football for the first time for my house...that was such a wonderful feeling!Givin my first examinations.They were called grades and they were like hell.Shifting buildings from junior school to middle school.That was not all, we shifted houses for the first time!Making friends with our welcoming neighbours, the Balaji's. Playing cricket with Chida,Ditta and other drivers.Breakin many tube lights and flower pots!Giving exams for the first time(God, I remember I was so scared when I gave my first test in class 6!).Celebrating diwali and holi with the Balaji's.Meeting dadubhaiya.Shifting houses again and understanding the gravity of the financial crisis!We had to change our lifstyles but not for once did we give up hope, a hope for a better life, a more secure one!Getting into the school football and cricket team.What a joy it was to be captaining the under-16 cricket team.Making my first true set of friends which would change a bit soon but some would be there, hopefully, forever.My first ever girlfriend.My first ever crush.My first love...hopefully my only.Shifting again and this time to the most wonderful place ever.Walk to the lakes.Sneaking out to meet her.Making out.Lieing to my parents!Socials and lots of dancing(I was trying my best because I sucked bad).My first taste of alcohol just before pujas.ICSE!!!It actually went off well, much to everybody's surprise.Break up and heartache.Me changing habits.Finding two of my bestest friends - joma and kathi!Saurabh,Joma,Laebra and myself and vodka,smokes and Fifa!!Lots of crazy car rides courtesy SamirDa!Football and Cricket team - a dream fulfilled!Ccfc football and lots of night time soccer!House Captain only(:().I guess I was asking for too much!Lots of fun bunking classes and sitting with the deadly gang-Wayne,Lez,Alfred,Joma,Kirk,Kathi and myself.Drinking at Lez's place.Going drunk to socials.Intermarts and crazy,funfilled week!Phuket football trip.ISC!!I did bloody damn well and shut many mouths and I am glad for the support i got from my parents.Getting into Xaviers.Drunk parties and comin back of the group.Wild and crazy 'magic moments'!Rekindling an old flame.Getting my loved back one.More partying and cleaning puke.Hanging out with Sunsen!Our Date and lots more!Sunsen's farewell party and the best night of my life.Waving a tearful goodbye!Online chatting and college at 6!

Thats my life till now...I am still batting not out!...Will keep it updated!